


Yelp Reviews

by DaBloodyLegend



Category: Hogan's Heroes (TV 1965), Justified, Longmire (TV), MASH (TV), Outer Banks (TV), Smokey and the Bandit (1977), The A-Team (TV), The Dukes of Hazzard (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:01:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25442077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaBloodyLegend/pseuds/DaBloodyLegend
Summary: Harlan Kentucky seemed to just attract the worst of the worst. The bottom of the barrel but it's not all they managed to attract.
Relationships: Andrew Carter/Peter Newkirk, Boyd Crowder/Raylan Givens
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Yelp Reviews

Harlan Kentucky seemed to just attract the worst of the worst. The bottom of the barrel but it's not all they managed to attract. 

It was a Friday night and Raylan was at Johnny's bar because a mining hut had been blown up earlier that afternoon. In the rubble they found traces of both hillbilly heroin and weed. So it was up to him to make sure Boyd was not involved. Boyd was going through another phase of being a law abiding citizen which Raylan was positive would not last much longer. So he thought yes it could have been Boyd although why he would leave behind the drugs and not take them to sell didn't make much sense. His presence was quickly noted by the patrons and the room quietened which just proved to him that there was no legal activities being talked about. Glancing around he noticed the usual Harlan County drunks and shit kickers but somewhere along the way the had been joined by a bunch of out of townies. Someone must have informed Boyd as he came out of the office. A grin was planted on the mans face and he embraced Raylan in a hug and smiled "hello Raylan, welcome to my little slice of heaven"  
A smile spread across his face as he stated "Quite the crowd you've got here, someone give you a good yelp review"  
Boyd let out a laugh and chuckled "why yes Raylan. I got a five stars, watered down beer and chipped glasses"  
Raylan replied "least it's better than last years, blood stairs on the carpet and regular visitors include perverts and murderers"  
Boyd laughed "as much as I love talking to you Raylan one must inquire to what possessed you to stop in"  
Raylan nodded "mine hut up on Splinters creek blew up earlier this afternoon, wouldn't have been you by any chance"  
Boyd grinned "now Raylan you know I've given up my life of crime"  
Raylan shrugged "I believe you might have mentioned it. Why exactly did you give it up this time"  
Boyd replied "as much as I enjoy participating in activities which do not side with the law it is inhibiting my relationships"  
Raylan asked "you mean how Ava left you"  
Boyd shook his head and responded "as much as that stung it is nothin when compared to how I feel about the one I truly adore. Anyhow I believe I could have a tip for you about that explosion"  
Raylan was still stuck on the first sentence. Who the hell did Boyd like that was on the side of the law. Other than himself he wasn't sure Boyd had friends that were law abiding. He asked "and how would you know such things"  
Boyd grinned "Raylan I work in a bar"  
Raylan smiled "of course" Boyd and Raylan had somehow made their way to the bar where Raylan was sitting down on a stool and Boyd was standing behind pouring them both a glass of bourbon. Boyd gestured toward a booth where five men were seated.

There was a map of Kentucky spread out below them with arrows and circles drawn all over it. They were working a mission for the United States Air Force whom had shipped a package to them which they needed to get to some guy which lived in the hills and was working on a Defense mechanism for the country. It had been an order given to Colonel Hogan and he had passed on the mission to everyone else with the option to come along for the ride. Of course they all quickly agreed. LeBeau had even made the journey all the way from France. The rest of the guys were all in the United States even Newkirk who was currently living on a property in North Dakota with Carter. Newkirk had his arm resting around Carter whom was leaning on his shoulder. Hogan questioned "who do you think the cowboy is talking to the owner"  
Kinch replied "someone important, you notice how everyone stopped talking as soon as he entered"  
Hogan nodded "small town men know who to talk around and who not to"  
Newkirk laughed "well except Carter he never stops talking"  
Carter stated "that's not true I can stop talking if I wanted too"  
Newkirk laughed "that I would like to see"

Boyd stated "those five are all military men. Ones French, he's the short one and ones British the rest although are American. The one in the bomber jacket is a explosive technician"  
Raylan asked "you reckon they did it"  
Boyd shrugged "could have but I can't come up with why"  
Raylan stated "maybe they decided they were sick of the government"  
Boyd responded "maybe but it's unlikely. I believe they are still working for the military doing some undercover operations"  
Boyd then gestured to a table where three men were seated.

Together the three had managed to track down the position of the Irish mob to one county. Harlan County. They quickly worked out it was a backwards town full of hillbillies who never seemed to abide by the law which made trying to find the mob a lot harder than it was in the desolate areas of Wyoming. Mathias stated "that mans a deputy US Marshal do you think he'd be able to help track down the mob or at least tell us who is locals"  
Walt shrugged "probably not if he's talking so friendly with Boyd Crowder, he's probably dirty"  
Henry replied "maybe but I doubt the mob is helping business for Boyd so he could be inclined to help"  
Mathias added "it would be great to have some help, we are getting no where"  
Walt nodded "alright why don't we get Cady to do a background check on him"

Boyd smirked "those three seem to be on the side of the law. The one worth the hat is a retired sheriff.. The one with longer hair is with the tribal police and the other just a friend but he definitely hold some power on the Indian reservation"  
Raylan smiled "I'm guessing it probably wasn't them"  
Boyd nodded "yeah, they have definitely seen my record. You should see the looks they give me"  
Raylan laughed "you probably deserve it. You know it has that your an Aryan knight in their"  
Boyd nodded "sadly one cannot remove itself from it's past actions but one can change how they act in the present"  
Raylan asked "what are they expecting to find in your bar"  
Boyd shrugged "I'm guessing a criminal that has been a major pain to them. I'm sure you would chase me to Canada if it thought it would help"  
Raylan questioned "you saying I'd have a reason to chase you"  
Boyd responded "of course not Raylan, I'm a law abiding citizen now"  
Raylan stated "or so you say"  
Boyd pointed to two guys sitting at the other end of the bar.

Big and Little Enos had given them a new challenge which they gracefully had accepted and and completed within the given time frame. But on their way back the truck started overheating so they took it to the closest mechanic which turned out to be in Harlan County. So now they were stuck in small town no where Kentucky with too much money in their pockets and nothing much to spend it on other than beer. Snowman mumbled "you think that guy knows what we just did"  
The Bandit shrugged "doesn't matter if he does, he's got no way of proving it"  
Snowman grinned "I can't wait for our truck to be fixed Fred's getting awful bored in the motel room"  
The Bandit laughed "well maybe you shouldn't have brought him along"  
Snowman stated "leave ole Fred behind never"  
The Bandit chuckled "that dog is about as useful as a cat"

Boyd laughed "now those two are quite a pair. Snowman and the Bandit. Truckers that attempt to drive from place to place going way above the speed limit so they can get a bunch of money"  
Raylan stated "they blow up the hut"  
Boyd replied "no.the only crime they commit is going three times over the speed limit"  
Raylan grinned "that's hardly a law more of a suggestion that the police like to inform"  
Boyd chuckled "I wish that could be used an excuse in court"  
Raylan laughed "even that wouldn't have kept you out of jail"  
Boyd nodded "not with you around it wouldn't have"  
Raylan smirked "just doing my job"  
Boyd changed the subject by gesturing to a group of four men sitting in a corner booth.

The miners kept getting robbed immediately after receiving their wages and so the miners union had offered to pay them if they could solve the problem. So of course they had accepted the opportunity to do som of their work. Hannibal was attempting to form a plan that was guaranteed to work but the miners were all too scared to utter a word to them. B.A. asked "do you think he's a miner"  
Hannibal shook his head and replied "not likely, he seems more like a law man"  
Face stated "I still think we try and get some information from the owner"  
Hannibal nodded "could be worth a shot. He's got to know something"  
Face grinned "no one works in a bar and doesn't know anything about the town"  
Murdock said "Billy sit down"  
B.A. growled "shut up fool"

Boyd smiled "now those four military men although they don't seem to be in the military any more."  
Raylan asked "could they have possibly done it"  
Boyd shrugged "it's possible but by the sounds of it the explosion didn't achieve much and they don't look like the sort of men who would do something for no reason"  
Raylan grinned "maybe they just like blowing shit up"  
Boyd laughed "Raylan I thought that term was coined for me"  
Raylan shrugged "you're not the only criminal I've ever met"  
Boyd grinned "now I believe we have already mentioned tonight that i have moved away from all illicit activities"  
Raylan corrected "alright Boyd you are one of a kind. No one else is quite like you"  
Boyd smirked I know"  
Raylan laughed "quite modest too I see"  
Boyd changed the subject by gesturing to a group of three me sitting around a table.

There was a race happening in Harlan County and so naturally they were there. It was just some dirt race but the prize money made the tip one hundred percent worth it. So here they were with some time to spare and therefore they had found their way to a bar and ordered themselves a beer they could barely afford. Cooter grinned "the general is in tip top condition ready for the race but if anything happens to go wrong I bought some parts to fix it"  
Bo screamed "yeehaw"  
Luke laughed "good now Bo you have to remember these Harlan boys are ruthless and aren't afraid to be a little dirty"  
No nodded "yeah I remember last year one of them attempted to run me into the lake"  
Cooter questioned "who do you reckon that man is"  
Luke shrugged "he's a bit too dressed up for a joint like this though"  
No stated "yeah but he seems to know the man who runs this place"  
Cooter laughed "suppose it don't matter much just focus on winning"  
Luke nodded "yeah let's make this trip worthwhile"

Boyd stated "those three small town boys who are in town for the race. Probably live on their family's farms working from sun up to sun down all day"  
Raylan asked "any criminal experience"  
Boyd nodded "I presume they got shine running in their blood but other than that no probably not"  
Raylan replied "suppose they could have blown it up"  
Boyd nodded "yeah but it's not likely there would be no point plus they are too busy getting ready for the race to be bothered with such activities"in  
Raylan grinned "maybe you should take some notes"  
Boyd smiled "now come on Raylan I have given you my insurances of being straight"  
Raylan responded "yeah but we all know the gig won't last forever"  
Boyd agreed "I see your positions on issues of such but it is worth a try"  
Raylan smirked "oh yes so your pretty little lover will run along back to you"  
Boyd shrugged "who said it was a female"  
Raylan replied "guess I just made assumptions we both know Harlan men aren't exactly the loveable type"  
Boyd nodded "as true as that is there is always an exception to every rule"  
Raylan gestured to a group of four men sitting in a booth. Raylan questioned "and who are those four"

They had all been to a medical conference in Tennessee the previous week. After which they all had the great idea to spend a little time together and now they were in Harlan County for seemingly absolutely no reason. Hawkeyes held up his glass and toasted "to the men and woman who ended the war"  
BJ grinned "amen to that"  
Colonel Potter held his glass up and grinned "to still being alive"  
Winchester stated "to no longer having to spend every day with you lot"  
Everyone crashed their glasses together and BJ laughed "look the owner seems to have a friend"  
Hawkeye stated "I wonder what he does for a living"  
Winchester shrugged "one must wonder what someone does to need to dress like they live in the Wild West.  
Colonel Potter grinned "look around, most of the people in this place are dressed like they have a stampede to go to"

Boyd shrugged "military doctors that have returned and are ready to settle down into their own practice. Nothing special"  
Raylan replied "suppose they could have done it"  
Boyd nodded "yeah doctors don't like Oxy or weed much"  
Raylan raised an eyebrow and stated "I don't remember telling you what was in the hut"  
Boyd grinned "that you did not but everyone around these parts know what's in those huts"  
Raylan replied "so anyone could be the culprit"  
Boyd asked "may I ask why you are so invested in finding the culprit"  
Raylan answered "The culprit as such does not interest me. I was sent here to see what you knew and personally I think I'm doing a great job"  
Boyd laughed "oh yes Raylan Givens when could I ever keep anything from you"  
Raylan smiled "well I have determined you had nothing to do with it"  
Boyd chuckled "suppose you'll be on your way"  
Raylan stated "you haven't quite finished telling me who somehow managed to end up in your place of business"  
Boyd gestured to a group of three teenagers sitting at a table.

Ward had taken their gold to a coal mining town that was probably worst that their home town. They were some rich folk living on a nearby hill.that Ward could be staying with. But their problem was they didn't know exactly where they were. A young woman a few years older than them had given them a place to stay whilst in town if they helped her around her farm. Which was just helping out with weed. JJ had taken quite a shine to it and they wouldn't be surprised if he never returned back with them. They were underage but their fake IDs had them in their mid twenties so they easily got in. Sarah and Kie had stayed back at the place they were staying to talk to their host. Pope whispered "that cowboy is a law officer of some sort, he's got a star on his belt. We should get out"  
JJ replied "nah it would make us look suspicious. He doesn't seem to be concerned with us anyway"  
John B stated "JJ's right, let's just stick it out and if he tries to arrest us that's when we make a run for it"  
Pope muttered "fine we'll take our chances"  
JJ grinned "that's it let lose, just enjoy your beer man"  
John B nodded "plus we never know Ward could walk through that door at any time"  
Pope replied "you know how unlikely that is he's probably up on that rich hill eating caviar" 

Boyd stated "those three are underage by at least a few years despite their identification stating they are twenty four. They are staying on one of Lorettas properties helping her"  
Raylan laughed "it's good to see Loretta found some help even if they are a bit young"  
Boyd chuckled "good thing you are not a DEA agent"  
Raylan grinned "let them grow their pot. It is none of my concern"  
Boyd laughed "good to know you approve of her life choices"  
Raylan stated "approve is not quite the right choice of words but at least she didn't turn out like some other people I know from this holler"  
Boyd smiled "okay Raylan I get it I took a wrong turn somewhere. I am however trying to get back on track"  
Raylan replied "I can see that, maybe this time you won't go back to your old ways as quickly"  
Boyd stated "I am hoping to never go back to those ways. I just want to rid myself of my criminal capabilities.  
Raylan nodded "I would like very much to see that, save me a couple of hundred trips down here"  
Boyd stated "you will still come, no one can truly get out of Harlan. It's in our blood. It's a part of us"  
Raylan shrugged "but one can try"


End file.
